I miss my ex-wife. Full stop.
But there are days, among which today is one where I can admit that to myself, yet still not wipe the smile off of my face. I assume this is just part of the healing process. I dunno. Honestly, I don’t really care if it is or isn’t. These days are coming more and more than they have in years. There is such an incredible amount of joy in my heart. Perhaps it’s getting back on the track as I prep for the Spartan Beast. Perhaps it’s Spring. Perhaps it’s simply me supplementing with vitamin D. You know what I think it is? I’m about to graduate. This should scare me. I’m in a financial tailspin. I try unsuccessfully to find my ex-wife, whom I think about daily, in other women. Near every minute is spoken for. I’m trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to get a practice started with no money and against the advice of everyone I know.
But my joy is real and it is not fleeting. It has nothing to do with women fixing my ego. Honestly, chasing women has probably hurt more than helped. I misidentified the hurt following the divorce.
My joy is an anxious excitement. My friends, it has been 7 long years in college. I loved college. But my collegiate years were more of a chilling phase in my life. I’m thawing out. I’m about to finally grab my gear and get back into the phalanx in the battle for liberty. “Once More Into the Fray” and whatnot.
I am a scholar. At least that’s how I picture myself. But college removed me from myself. I belong in the fight. I’ve often said that when I die, I wish it to be with my boots on, in an obscene amount of pain and my mind spent, because I got every last mile out of this body. College gave me easy years. It caused my spirit to atrophy. That isn’t to say that I didn’t earn a few easy years after my time in the Corps. But just because I earned those easy years doesn’t mean I should have taken them. In all honesty, I never should have taken an easy day.
But I’m young. And I am excited for battle.
Going into video withdrawals?
