I’m a contrarian, apparently about everything. I don’t do this on purpose. I swear. It’s just in my makeup I suppose.
It occurred to me today that if I were a hippy, I’d be known as a free spirit. But when you’re not a hippy, you’re just an asshole.
So today was Day 1 reviewing for the Bar, so I had to finally pull the trigger on a Bar Review over the weekend. Did I choose BarBri like 2/3 of the University? No.
Did I choose Kaplan, like the other 1/3? No.
I chose Themis. Now, mind you I did my research. This wasn’t a rash decision. But this is the first time Themis is doing the Idaho Bar. (probably because Idaho just got on the MBE) But there are no published success rates. In fact, it’s entirely possibly I’m the first and only Idaho Bar applicant to take it. There are lots of reasons I think Themis is the best review course that I’m not going to go over here, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t a little concerned. But, God Hates a Coward (TM) and what not. I did try to turn that into haggling them down on the price. It didn’t work, but was worth the effort.
But the point is that I think I have found some Rearden Metal here. But it’d be nice to just be comfortable and follow the crowd one of these days. I’m also disgustingly full of myself for even making a parallel here. Gross.
Well, the formal schooling for being a lawsmith is done. In a fitting end to law school I completed the most difficult final I’ve had in 7 years of college.
This last semester was hard. Very hard. For the most part, college hasn’t been hard for me. My history work was often a simple labor of love. Well, that and a monkey could get a liberal arts degree. Law school was considerably more work. I put a great deal of that work off. I made my family my priority. To some degree, well, I was lazy. I had a brilliant, beautiful wife and an incredible little girl. I didn’t even have to do much, just being in the same building with them made me happy. That all went away at the end of last semester.
Going into this final semester I had nearly shut down. I was an emotional wreck. I lost my best friend and dearest love. And it happened in such a way as to completely wreck my self-image. When you live your life by your own rules and you don’t allow others’ opinion of you to carry much weight, those sacred few whose opinion you do value carry an incredibly weight. I doubted myself. I’ve never quit a single thing in my life, yet I doubted myself. For the first months of this semester, it was a Herculean effort to get up to shower and dress, much less go to school and do my work.
But I did.
Over this semester I have moved 4 times. I have learned how to be a single dad. I completed my upper division writing assignment. I completed the MPRE with a grade far above passing. I completed 3 additional writing assignments to fill out the incompletes I’d received following the divorce at the end of last semester. I completed 100% of my pro bono work. I completed all the work for this semester. Most difficult of all, I made myself function. I gave myself to my daughter during the day and studied into 2-3 am most every night. Some days, when I didn’t have the time, I read and wrote, literally with a 3 year old crawling on me.
Re-re-re-re-re-re-reading my outline last night for today’s final the ex-wife was still there over my shoulder. Reminding me that I was a loser. That I had no future. She hasn’t left; she’s there every day. I sleep on a futon mattress I pull onto the floor. As I try to sleep, I stare many nights on my stomach on the floor at the light from the hallway as it comes through the cracks of my front door, imagining my ex-wife’s shadow coming into the hallway before a fateful knock. I have nightmares regularly. But I’m functioning. And frankly, I’m thriving. I’m winning. I’ve nary a wasted year as an adult. I did my 4 years then went to school. Since I’ve started school I’ve not wasted a semester. I got my bachelors in 4 years. I got my law degree with 3 more. I spent a year at war. I started a family. I worked a year between law school and undergrad, the only year of my adult life that didn’t actually move me forward.
I do want to thank some people for being there for me by name in no particular order:
Dan Ritter: Thank you Dan. You are a good friend. Thank you for letting me into your home so readily. Thank you for abiding me at my lowest.
Corina Ritter: Thank you Rinkies. Thank you for the reasons I thank Dan. Thank you for abiding me in a situation what was clearly an awkward one for you. Thank you for feeding me!
Joe Fitch: Thank you Joe. I was afraid just the math of all this would cost me a good friend. You’re a good man. You do good good and tap into the vet side of me the way most can’t, even if you’re a soldier….ewwwww.
Mike Satz: Thank you Mike, I never would have come in and seen you to talk. You know me. You know my type. You came to me. That meant a lot. You were actually on the front line of me pulling myself together. Just that little bit had a much greater impact that you probably realize.
Eli Callaghan: Thank you Eli, you help keep a man’s spirit up. Just like with Joe, I was afraid the math would have shaken out to cost me our friendship. I’m glad that wasn’t the case.
Brian Griffeath: Thank you Brian. Brian, you’re such a dick. But you’re a great brother and a great friend. When all those damn houses kept falling apart you put me and Abby up for a few weeks.
Monique Lillard: Thank you Professor Lillard. I had two classes with you this semester and at just the right time. You make me full on love the law. You are an incredible lecturer and a great human being.
Courtney Cook: Thank you Courtney. You were in my life as the right person at the right time. You are a wonderful, caring human being and one of the first people to remind me that there are interesting and smart women in this world beyond the ex-wife.
Nathan Larson: Thank you Nathan. I miss you friend. When I’m really down I think of your happiness and energy and can’t help but smile.
Heidi Pantera: Thank you Heidi. You are beautiful and brilliant and absolutely wrong about everything! You are one of my best friends and my confidant. I wish you a world of Red Bulls (but only 8.4 oz ones) and great success in at least getting part of Arizona squared away.
Sabrina Draper: Thank you Sabrina. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve known. You are absolutely gorgeous. You are fun. You are interesting. You are powerful and a winner in life. No one can make me feel as good about myself as you can.
John Hooley: Thank you John. You’re my best friend. You’ve always been there. I once made the mistake of trusting someone the way I do you. You’ve never failed in that trust. You are batshit insane and the most difficult person to argue with. But you are a man of honor, and that’s the highest thing I could ever say about someone.
Ellie Dworak: Thank you Ellie. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for knowledge and expertise. You are a good friend.
Barry Dworak: Thank you Barry. Thanks for your belligerence. You’re a kindred spirit.
Matthew Ryba: Thank you Reebz. You’re a winner. You keep me motivated. You are a good and faithful friend.
Joey Tremblay: Thank you Joey. You keep me from being a baby when I’m down.
Daniel Pouzzner: Thank you Douzzer. You know exactly how to keep me grounded without giving up my quest for greatness.
Todd Christiansen: Thank you Todd. Thank you for your loyalty. And thanks your your charm and humor. You have been much more loyal than I ever would have expected of someone.
Trapper Stewart: Thank you Trapper. You’re a good man. You’ve been there to help quickly. You’ve kept me grounded and focused more than you realize to get me to pull myself through this semester.
Paul Zimmerman: Thank you Paul. You’re a winner. You’re a good friend too. You also have helped keep me motivated on success outside the law.
Jeffrey Mohn: MOHN!!!!! You’re a winner. When’re we gonna go get rich?
Al Baker: Thank you Al. You’re a good man and a good friend. You’re there daily for me. You’ve never failed to step up when I have called on you.
David W. St. John: Thank you David. You’re a good, noble, man. When I talk to you I feel like I’m looking into an crystal ball.
Abby: Most of all Little Bear, thank you. You are the sweetest little girl in the world. I love you beyond reason. Every time I see your big blue eyes, I know I’ll never quit. You are brilliant. You’ve kept me from shutting down when I was at my lowest. When I show up to get you from preschool and 4 kids run across the yard to get you, and you scream and fly back to hug me, well, that’s the best moment of my week. You force me to accept that I matter. And frankly little one, as far as kids go, you aren’t only sweet, but also pretty low maintenance.
I generally hesitate to want to name names because there are more of you that have impacted me.
I have a rule I generally try to live by: avoid taking too much credit for things. There are plenty of people that help us in the world and deserve recognition. No matter how far you spread credit, if you produce, you will be properly credited. So spread the damn credit. Friends, thank you.
Now my aversion to the TSA and their lack of regard for the 4th Amendment is clear. But let us set this aside for the point I wish to make.
Today, I was glossing through the mountains of TSA excesses when I came across this. People complain about the TSA and I join in their chorus. But they still wish to keep the TSA, in the interest of safety of course. Smarter men than myself regularly document their lack of effectiveness, but this isn’t about how bad the TSA is. It’s about how bad the American people are. Now in the land of the free and the home of the brave we cowardly give in to the whims of those that exert authority over us and allow ourselves to be fondled, ogled, and otherwise degraded, but we become outraged when a little girl is searched, or a Medal of Honor soldier has his wheelchair inspected.
You cannot have it both ways. If you simply restrict your inspections to Ahmed and Tariq, our enemies will find the grandmother who is underwater on her mortgage to smuggle a weapon onto your plane. They will hold that MoH soldier’s family hostage to put a small bomb in his chair. Or maybe they’ll give a little girl a teddy bear with a weapon inside to run past a gate. Our enemies are not fools. Just as I don’t want you to tell me how to set an L-shaped ambush, I wouldn’t suppose in all our outrage, we should tell the TSA hot to keep weapons off of planes.
In other words, direct your outrage in the right direction. Don’t hate them for doing their jobs thoroughly (but feel free to hate them for how rude and unprofessional they are); point that finger at yourself and your legislator for allowing the TSA to exist with such free reins in the first place.
